Friday, March 13, 2009

Things Not to Say to Women Over 40

Approximately once every four calendar months (though I guess it's happened twice so far this winter -- I'd better watch it), I go out with the girls, drink beer, stand in front whooping it up while watching a band, and sneak a smoke or two. I did it a couple of Saturdays ago to see one of my favorite cover bands. In between sets I stepped out into the tundra to smoke that forbidden cigarette.
I get overly excited on these occasions because I love to go out and whoop it up, so much so that I have to keep a tight reign on myself because I have lots of Responsibilities. ANYWAY, I was out having said forbidden fruit, the coveted American Spirit, when a sweet young thang addressed me directly with a smile, "Are you pregnant?"
Wa-Waaah. "No," I hissed, "I'm over forty."
Maybe because I was wearing a top gathered under my hard-working false advertising brassiere that billowed slightly every time the doors opened and closed. Maybe it's because I have a terrible habit of standing with my knees hyperextended backwards thus exaggerating my front side. Maybe it's because I've always had a --- gasp! -- tummy. But still.
Of course she felt like crap and started apologizing like crazy which made me feel bad for two reasons; one because I looked like a geriatric pregnant woman that was publicly smoking, and two because my pointed response was so, so, honest. But ladies, please, never, ever comment on another woman's mid-section (especially when she works out more than she cares to and avoids carbs more than she cares to). It's just a bad idea all around.


kim said...

Oh my God, I did this to a nurse one time, I said, "When are you due." And she said, "I'm not" You can bet that when she did the blood pressure cuff, I had a nice bruise.

Tina Lee said...

So, Hello! Reading your blog. Nice to read your writing again!

Amy said...

When my daughter was about a month old, this guy I kind of knew asked me when I was due. While I was holding my newborn. It's been over 20 years, but I still hate that guy, and he probably has no idea why I've been giving him the evil eye all this time.

Julie Marini said...

You could also look at it as a compliment...that you look young enough to be pregnant. Maybe...? No...? My father-in-law should read this post -- he practically screamed (no joke) YOU'RE FAT at my baby shower.